Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now.
Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, “Daddy, I want a new apartment”.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
What do you call Santa’s helpers?
What do you get from a pampered cow?
What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an “A” bra
What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
And what kind of lettuce?
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef
Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones