Lawyer Jokes

The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps: They had pictures of
lawyers on them… and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.

How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.

How can a pregnant woman tell that she’s carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save
one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?

What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.

What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.

What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
Not enough cement.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honor.

What’s brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Why does California have the most lawyers in the country,
and New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.